Here’s the scene:

I am unwinding on the couch with my laptop after an exceedingly long day of handling mindbogglingly epic crises for a couple clients. I’m drinking an Abita Amber and browsing through the feeds of my friends’ blogs when I run across THIS POST in which she (quite rightfully) rips on this awful French sketch series from the old Nickelodeon classic Pinwheel.

Your next mental image could be one of me wiping beer off the screen of my precious MacBook Pro.

This series always has, and always will, CREEP ME THE FUCK OUT. It’s probably more responsible for scaring me away from psychedelic drugs in college than the D.A.R.E. program in elementary school ever could have been. Seriously, these little buggers freak the bajeezus out of me.

Enfants du maïs, I tell you.

Clare is right — this abomination interrupted an otherwise delightful morning kids’ show. My little sister and I watched it nearly every summer weekday for several years starting in the early 80s. It was one of those shows that young kids enjoyed, and older kids really didn’t mind. It translated pretty well across age groups — the music was especially addictive. (At least, it was for me.)

I especially loved Bill Cosby’s “Picture Pages,” a segment that he did when he wasn’t busy filming Jell-O Pudding Pop commercials. My other favorite was “Simon in the Land of the Chalk Drawings,” a segment that was heavily drawn upon (right down to the intro song melody) for a series of Mike Myers SNL skits years later. If you yourself don’t remember it, check this out:

I wish I could find a video of the SNL bit, but NBC has erased nearly all evidence of it from the interwebs. This picture will have to suffice to jog your memory:

But seriously … those freaking French goblin children. I hope I can sleep tonight.

Thanks a friggin’ lot, Clare.

I can imagine two different scenarios for how this happened:

1. The American Idol hippie dude’s move was more subtle, and Comedy Central’s blur-meister missed it
2. Comedy Central’s censors have some magic formula or rule that says, “it’s okay for someone to give someone else the finger, but if they break the fourth wall with the third metacarpal, that’s bad.”

In either case, I just have to laugh.

Check out the story on Yahoo News:
CNN Lets ‘Crossfire’ Host Carlson Go

Key quotes:

The bow-tied wearing conservative pundit got into a public tussle last fall with comic Jon Stewart, who has been critical of cable political programs that devolve into shoutfests.

“I guess I come down more firmly in the Jon Stewart camp,” [CNN boss Jonathan] Klein told The Associated Press.

And the most promising to me:

“I doubt that when the president sits down with his advisers they scream at him to bring him up to date on all of the issues,” he said. “I don’t know why we don’t treat the audience with the same respect.”

This week he takes a moment to introduce himself. His name is Humpty, rhymes with an umpty … oh wait. That’s someone else. My bad. (Digital Underground, TV Wasteland … anybody could make that mistake.)

Anyway, here’s a brief synopsis:
1. Dave introduces himself, claims Cinescape’s TV section for the Spainish crown
2. Dave outs himself as a couch potato
3. Dave outs his wife as a closet geek
4. Dave previews the week’s semi-precious gems and semi-polished turdballs on the teevee

TV Wasteland

Get the scoop on this week’s TV poop. In this week’s column, you’ll even learn that Norman Mailer will be guest starring on Bo’s girlfriend’s show.

Ashlee Simpson’s dad blames acid reflux disease for `Saturday Night Live’ gaffe

Key quote:
“And he said she’s never used the extra help onstage before.”

Sure. And Bill Clinton didn’t inhale.

So what is she doing now that she isn’t whining on national television every Thursday and Saturday night?

Well, she’ll come whine at your party!

That’s right right! You can book Little Stacy to speak at your party or corporate function!

I didn’t. But I caught up with the hubub this morning.

For those of you who haven’t heard yet, freshly-minted pop starlet Ashlee Simpson had a rather embarrassing evening. Apparently her sound guy (or the computer he was using, according to her publicist) goofed up and started playing the vocal track for the wrong song during her second performance of the evening. When she realized something was amiss, she had a moment of befuddlement so profound that she decided to cover it up by doing a goofy hoedown dance. When that didn’t work, she decided to take a cue from Snagglepus and “exit, stage left.” At the end of the show she tried to blame her band for playing the wrong song.

The full story is here:
http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/245848p-210567c.html

You can view the hilarious clip here:
http://www.collegehumor.com/news/ashlee_snl.wmv

Normally, this sort of thing would just be amusing. But I have a problem with it when it happens to a singer who has previously declared that she would never lip synch. You know what Ashlee? Nobody ever expected you to sing. But when you get caught using a well-known industry trick, don’t lie. Don’t blame your band.

If you do lie, come up with a better one.

Maybe you could blame it on indigestion … from the buffalo your sister cooked you for lunch.