SIDEHIKE.NET ROAD TRIP 2008

When we woke on Monday we were in Las Vegas.

How did we get here? The best bet would be I-15, but there’s really no telling.

“There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a Benadryl binge. And I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.”
— Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (roughly paraphrased)

Los Angeles always makes me sick. I think I’m allergic to pretentiousness, or something. By the time we made our northwesterly escape late Sunday afternoon my sinuses were in full blown revolt.

My instincts told me to do a faceplant in the fluffy bed of our spacious poolside room at the Hard Rock Hotel, but hunger got the better of both of us and we went out for Italian food instead.

If you’re ever in Vegas, there’s no restaurant I can recommend more highly than Battista’s Hole in the Wall, a nifty place about a block off the strip that I first tried after being clued into its schmaltzy goodness by my old college roommate Neil.

Battista’s doesn’t have menus. They have a big sign on the wall listing their main dishes. At first you’d think the prices are a bit steep, but here’s the cool part: Every entree comes with garlic bread, salad or soup, dessert cappuccino, and BOTTOMLESS CARAFES OF RED AND WHITE WINE.

Yes, bottomless carafes of wine. It’s like the anti-IHOP. Sure, this stuff isn’t winning any awards from Robert Parker, but in case you didn’t understand me the first two times, IT’S ALL YOU CAN DRINK!

So we did. Who needs NyQuil when you can just enjoy a carafe or three of wine to put you right to sleep?

When we woke on Monday we were in Las Vegas.

Wait, I said that already, didn’t I?

Is this now day eight?

How many days has it been?

Las Vegas has a funny way of doing that to you.

Despite the copious amounts of all-natural sleep aid we’d imbibed, sleep was not an easy commodity to come by that night. The rooms immediately surrounding ours partied at excessive volumes until the wee-est … most wee? … whatever the superlative of “wee” is … hours and construction crews started jackhammering at the property next door at sunrise.

When we eventually gave up on our quest for shuteye, we packed up our stuff and loaded up on French Toast and blueberry pancakes.

We didn’t do much gambling. I put a few bucks on some ridiculously long shot bets in the sports book (I’ll win $15,000 if Sam Hornish wins the Cup) and then gave Dave a quick blackjack primer before we left the casinos up a few bucks.

Instead of wasting the rest of the afternoon wasting our money by the bucketful, we headed over to the Pinball Hall of Fame where we could waste it by the pocketful. There’s some seriously great nostalgia in that place. After we’d run through our stash of quarters, we got out of town while we were still ahead.

Next stop, Zion National Park.

There are no words to describe how beautiful this place is at sunset.

So I won’t try. Instead, look at the pictures. Like THIS ONE. Or THIS ONE. Or THIS ONE.

I’ll never understand why the Mormons have this in their backyard, but consider Missouri, of all places, to be Zion. Well, they’re welcome to it. I’ll trade them any day.

We ended Monday at some little pine log cabins just outside of Bryce Canyon National Park. In stark contrast to the night before, there was nowhere within 30 miles that was open for dinner so we ate PBJ from the cooler and it was so quiet that we heard maybe three cars pass by on the highway all night long.

It was divine.

Now we’re in Monument Valley, Utah. A recap of day nine’s travels will be coming after I’ve had a chance to download the photos.

Tags: endless wine, pinball wizards, sucker bets, the greatest of lodging contrasts

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 4th, 2008 at 9:33 pm and is filed under thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.